Twenty Eighteen In A Bullet List

A year is a long time. If there’s nothing big there are certainly small things that amount to something bigger. For me there isn’t really one ‘huge’ thing that happened this year which I can point to and say, this was in 2018. Rather it’s an odd bunch of things that define twenty eighteen for me.

I will try my best to recall them all here:

• I got my first electronic sewing machine this year. WOOHOO.
• I got several of the coolest fabric prints ever for my small shop. I did a fabric exchange with someone from the US and she sent me two Harry Potter prints. ACTUAL HARRY POTTER PRINTS! That was a dream come true.
• It was a year full of me happily sewing and learning new things. I redesigned my business cards and also made a facebook page which admittedly did not do much.

• I discovered what an absolute pleasure sewing was while listening to audiobooks.
• Maulana Tariq Masood Sahab’s bayaans became a fixture in my daily routine.
• I started watching kdramas. I mean, that is a life-altering instance right there.
• One of my good friends got married. I had totally forgotten about that, sheesh. (I’m consulting my journals from this point on)
• I went to visit my college three years after graduating from there.
• My dental problem began and thankfully ended this year. I’ll be forever scared shitless about my teeth now. That ‘cleaning’ was no joke. It HURT.
• I realized how it felt being a ‘bride-to-be’. I still am for a few weeks.
• I made book bags this year. BOOK BAGS, YO.
• Bookstagramming kept my creative juices flowing. Ew, but true.

• I had my ATM card made. First ever. I hate banks.
• My father came back from Kuwait for good this time. It was strange, the first couple of months having him there all the time and knowing he will be there all the time. We had been so used to his ‘not’ being there except for a few weeks a year.
• I cast my first vote this year.
• I was ‘sahib-e-nisaab’ for the first time in my life and so I had a ‘hissa’ in the qurbani this year. MEAT.
• I’ve had the best Eids in 2018 and it’s been a few years since they were this fun.
• I made a chat group on Instagram and started talking to a couple of Goodreads friends. When we’re all online things get hysterical.

This is it. The universe made no ‘new’ life-shattering revelations to me, nor did I do anything particularly spectacular or memorable. It was just a bunch of things that impacted me in small ways.

Dear 2019…

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My Favorite Snacks

These are all Pakistani because I munch on local junk 24/7. That foreign shit in fancy stores is expensive and inconvenient.

So this is a rudimentary list and it’s about chips only. I’ll do another about more chips, favorite and least favorite, as well as biscuits. It’s actually a pretty fun idea and I’m low-key proud of myself for coming up with it. *pats herself on the back*

#1: LAYS

I can eat those ALL DAY LONG. And I’m not just saying that because I’m literally known as the serial Lays eater. I’m also aware that these aren’t originally Pakistani but whatever.
I love all Lays flavors bar two: the cheese one and the salty one because no taste whatsoever and they make me thirsty. There are so many, the special ones like oriental kimchi and the whole series they did for cricket a couple of years ago, sour cream and onions and tomato and whatnot. But my personal favorite, the one that holds a part of my soul, one that I’m known for eating obsessively is…MASALA!

I took all of these pictures. KAY?

MUNCH MUNCH MUUUUUUUUUNCHHHHHH

Also, while I do consider Lays to be my number 1 favorite snack, for the rest of them it is a tie so don’t pay attention to the numbering.

#2: KURKURE

Kurkure also has a couple of flavors, there’s the hateful green chutney flavor which I hate, a blue yogurt one that is o-kay at best and more I’m sure but I like the red chilli one the best. Funny thing is when these were new in the market, I used to DESPISE the red flavor.

#3: SLANTY

They’re probably called that because, er, they slant? Whatever, I don’t really care what they’re called and why they’re called that if they taste really good. These have been a childhood fixture and I love them from the bottom of my heart. Most of Kolson products are really good and these are one of the best. My favorite flavor is the vegetables one but the chilli one is a close second.

#4: POTATO STICKS

Another Kolson one and another childhood favorite. I fell out of love with this one for a while but the love has returned thankfully. These are peppery and a leeetle bit stingy and yummy.

#5: KURLEEZ

These are in tomato and mirchi (chilli) flavors. I love both of them equally. But perhaps the mirchi one a bit more. *wink*

#6: OYE HOYE

So these basically look exactly like Lays but are a bit thinner in texture and leave me thristier. But the masala flavor is really, really good. The other ones are reasonably tasty as well. I love the quirkiness of this particular snack.

#7: TWITCH

Ah! Kolson again. It’s impossible to eat these without your nose watering. These are incredibly spicy and so totally my type.

#8: WAVY

Apart from Lays, this is the only one I can eat for legit hours without my mouth drying or getting thirsty. As usual, I like the red BBQ one the most though I haven’t tried that many Wavy flavors. It’s SCRUMPTIOUS.

#9: TOP POPS

In all honestly, these should be number one. Bafflingly, not only do these taste exactly as good as they did a decade ago (believe me, some have changed), they are also incredibly cheap, 5 Rs ONLY and they’re almost stuffed to bursting.

#10 & 11: JUNGLE POPS & NONY POPS

Double AAAAAAAH!!!! Before there was Lays, there were these two. They’re basically twins owing to the fact that a) I discovered them close to one another and b) I always used to get them together. They are probably the earliest snacks I ate back when I started eating them. My cousin and I used to go to the dukaan near our house and get both of these EACH AND EVERY DAY.

Our parents talk about the good old times when everything was cheap and money had value and whatnot. When I was little, we were given 5 Rs pocket money and it got us THREE packets of chips. Jungle Pops, Nony Pops and one other which is probably extinct now. As far as these two are concerned, they’re still pretty cheap, 5 Rs each and thank God the originals still exist. I’ve ate several knock-offs in the past few years.

These two are from the same company and granted, they are a bit less grand and of a lesser quality than say, Lays but they taste really really good! Jungle Pops is ginger flavored and Nony Pops is chicken chilli. I’ve always been a little embarrassed about the latter’s name but I have been able to ignore it by telling myself that I didn’t make that name up. And check out that rainbow!

So that’s it for now! This post took me a month to compile just FYI. Do you see anything familiar? Tell me what your favorite snacks were/are!

Cheers!

Yeh Raha Dil’s First Birthday!

The anniversary of it’s first episode, that is. Because I’m sure as heck gonna do a last episode anniversary too. That would be it’s first Deathday, eh? Anyway, who knows what I’m talking about? Probably no one. Is that going to stop me? No, sir.

Allow me to illuminate: Yeh Raha Dil is (or was *sob*) a Pakistani television show that started airing last year February 13th. It was a romantic comedy, the name translates to “Here Is My Heart” in English. The End.

No, but it made its mark on me. I loved it SO much, all 26 episodes. We don’t have seasons here. 97% of the shows run for 25-30 weeks at most. DEVASTATING. I wrote this long-ass post when it ended in August last year, interested folks click here.

Meet BAEs:

BAE # 1: Hayaat

Cute AF, independent, headstrong, brave, wise, infuriating, kind, the list goes on…

BAE # 2: Zaki

Cute AF, spoiled brat, patient, kind, tolerant, loving, filled-with-mush, confused, indecisive and caring.

Together, they make the “Ship of Feels”. BEHOLD:

I LOVE YOU ZAKI! *shoves Hayaat aside*

HAAAAAAAAAYE

BAE # 3 & 4: Haroon & Afaaq

Cute AF, adorable AF, huggable AF, together they make the most darling dadster duo I’ve ever seen.

Their wives, meh, not so much.

BAE # 5: Nida

Ah! She was so much more that all of us expected. Respect.

Funnily enough, when I started watching it, it was already 7 episodes in. Then I binge watched the previous ones and had the absolute best time in a long time. And then began the torture that is waiting a week for an episode.

I made this stupid little spread thingy sometime after, which I am proud of by the way. I’m no expert at that sort of thing so I was pleased when it turned out to be better than expected.

Ah, the things fangirls do for their fandoms…

Even if you don’t understand Urdu, please listen to the OST of the show. It’s the title track with the preview of the show. It’s melodious and beautiful.

Yeh Raha Dil OST

I wish Yumna and Ahmed Ali would work together again!

I Know What I Meme, I Meme What I Want – IV

Hello, and welcome to the fourth edition of god-awful and lame memes. There is a reason I only do this once a month.

My inspiration for this particular set is Stranger Things since I recently watched both the seasons. Some of these may have Urdu words.

The mom radio broadcasts a variety of transmissions like “13 Reasons Why You Are The Worst Spawn Ever”, “Baby, You’re Useless” and “What The Neighbors Did Today” to name a few. It’s also non-stop, free of cost and is guaranteed to lower your self-esteem the more you listen to it.

I’m sure there are many more. I’ve only ever encountered the fourth kind.

FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE ARE ONLY TWO EIDS. GAH.

This is a true story.

Actually, that was me the day before yesterday. Life loses all meaning suddenly.

Mercifully, that is all.

Cheers!

I Know What I Meme, I Meme What I Want Part – III

Another of these was due. Before I start, let me take a moment to appreciate, again, how dumb this title is. It is DUMB. There, I said it.

Oddly enough, for these batch of memes (I called it) I could only think about sewing and the countless joys and moments of grief that the activity causes me.

1- The “Me Wants New Fabric”:

I’m a hundred percent certain that if I wore shades like that I would do this exactly whenever I saw a drool worthy print at the market. Most of the times I get so ASDFGHJKL-ed up at seeing a beautiful piece that the (conniving and opportunistic) seller raises the price and refuses to lessen it since he knows my heart is set on buying it.

2- The “Me Da Boss”:

Actually, this is me whenever I create something awesome. The feeling is great, the ‘okay, I’m not as useless as I originally believed‘ feeling. WHO DA MAN? I’M DA MAN!

3- The “Sewist problems”:

Exhibit A

My machine is an old manual one. It does this quite a lot and so I do THIS a lot as well.

Exhibit B:

Every. Single. Time.

Exhibit C:

It’s how I’ve learned. My sewing knowledge was limited to operating the machine only when I started out. I watched tutorials and the rest of my skills built from there. I’m always finding new ways to do things and that not only makes it exciting but also easier. I have to hand it to those men and women who upload tutorials on youtube and their blogs.

That is it for now, fair folks of the Earth. If you found this post and the memes within lame, please lemme know. Some negative criticism might make me wanna get better at this. Otherwise I’ll just keep churning out the horror you just witnessed.

CHEERS!

 

 

I Know What I Meme, I Meme What I Want – Part II

The more I look at it, the more dumb it sounds. But anyway! Here’s another bunch of lame memes I made. I know I’ll get better eventually, it’s just going to take a while.

The “Haw-Haye, of course you’ll have to cook!”:

To be clear, I have nothing against cooking. It’s a necessity, and if you gotta eat then you should damn well know how to cook. WHOEVER you are, that is. Be it man OR woman. The necessary qualification being an ADULT. NOT a woman. The concept has been twisted around in our society until it is considered imperative that a woman should know how to cook because, get this, her being a “good” wife and “good” woman hinges on it. THIS is why I hate it. THIS is why I refuse to do it.

The “Lord save me from this shit”:

I believe I explained some of this patriarchal nonsense above. The rest is in the littlest things like “clean that mess up even if your brother is responsible because you are a woman and it is your job and he is a man”. My only response is… WHAT the actual fuck?

The “Mere Khuwabon Ka Shehzada”:

I have so many of those. I literally switch between the 87357298 of them couple of times a day. Day dreaming is such a fun time pass.

The “I literally have the worst siblings EVER”:

My God, this happens ALL the time. I don’t understand why. If you want me to be cooperative and nice and understanding, why don’t you try and be the same once in a while? And since you’re actually on my side why don’t you stop being a bitch and show it when it counts? Then they complain that “I” am the one who is badtameez!

The “I wish I could stay far away from these people”:

I just…WHY? Why can’t they behave like human beings and not monkeys? For ONCE. That is all I ask.

WOW. If you look at it closely, these memes tell you a LOT about what my life is like. There are the good parts too. These ones were totally sub-consciously created. I’ll try to make more when I’m feeling happy. Those will be drastically different.

Until then,

Cheers!

My First Bookstaversary!

Short for “Bookstagram Anniversary”. Yup, I started my account last year on November 26th. So, technically, yesterday was the day but, you know, life and shit, couldn’t post.

I believe I was browsing through someone else’s feed or just checking what the heck “bookstagram” was on Google when I suddenly wanted to do it myself. And the very next day I did! It became obvious right at the start that it was messy work. The setting-up of props and books and good lighting is hard work. I slowly and eventually understood how to take good pictures, nothing teaches better than experience but I did start off nicely.

I mostly read ebooks, *ahem* the ones that don’t necessarily require payment. (IMMA HIDE) How could I, you ask? Well, I have my reasons. So, I buy a few books every couple of months or so. Compared to most bookstagrammers, that amount is insubstantial. My feed has always been more about unique angles and unusual stuff rather than loads of props with a kingdom of books in between. Get this: I don’t even have a proper shelf for the ones I do have.

Enough whining. Here’s what my very first post looked like.

Yeah, my captions really needed some work. Now, I think I’ve mastered the art.

Then there’s the matter of deciding what theme your feed is going to follow. By God, that took me along time to get. I don’t need to follow a theme, I would say to myself. But eventually I learned that even that was a theme of a kind. It’s a very bizarre and headache inducing thing that simplifies over time so don’t expect me to explain. Basically, you get it when you do it.

Some of the images from my first month of bookstagramming

And don’t even get me started on followers, comments and likes. That shit makes you lose your sleep, yo. And like everything else, you learn to live with it slooooowly and eventually.

EHEHEHEHEHE

And Hashtags! LORD IN HEAVEN, DELIVER ME FROM THIS EVIL. Be specific. Don’t be specific. Use 30. Use less. It’s a three-month course in itself, learning to use instagram specifically for books.

There was a period of time when I though, eh, I don’t only have to photograph books! I can take pictures of other things as well. It’s a free country, hey? Yeah. I outgrew it. So there are pictures of cats, babies, purses and random shit but 99% of this account is books.

    

I decided to keep a username that wasn’t too descriptive, if you know what I mean. The feed itself was going to show the idea anyway I didn’t think I would have to come up with a name to reinforce that. For example, xyz likes to read, abc reads too much, asdfghjkl bibliophile, 3788 bookish. They made me cringe before, they make me cringe now.

February

There are, of course, times when you just don’t feel like doing it (I’ve been facing quite a lot of those times recently) but as someone pointed it out to me, the key to doing this successfully is consistency.

As for what I mean by successful, well, I admit this somewhat shamefully, that even though I got into this because of books and I loved doing it and adopted it as a hobby, a part of me was fascinated by the idea of people getting free stuff off businesses just so they could promote it through their accounts. The catch? You have to have a frick ton of followers. And yes, that obsession left me in due time. I do not have the patience or the temperament for such a thing. The sheer dedication it requires is insane. Plus, it would have started being less fun and more duty-like if I had.

 

So here I am. A year later. Still doing it, still enjoying it. I don’t intend on stopping. Ever.

Oh and the camera I use for these photos? It comes with an iPad mini.

Oh, look! I’m dead (✖╭╮✖)

11.16.18

16th of November.

November 2018.

2018

2018

2018

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

   

Now that I have gotten that out of the way, can I just say…

I can’t really decide between being ecstatic AF and being pissed AF. Really, Warner Bros.? One WHOLE year? Don’t you think you could have told us sooner? Like, maybe, six months ago? This is MUCH too late for my liking. It’s not like I’m going to wait and agonize or anything.

(WARNING: Most of this post will be in all CAPS and a shit load of gifs. Proceed at your own risk)

The official title, cast photo and synopsis dropped and I had a mini melt-down. Feast your fantastic peep-holes:

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

So much beauty. *sobs*

Do a quick scan. What do your eyes catch immediately? I’LL TELL YOU WHAT THEY LATCH ON TO.

JUST. LOOK. AT. HIM.

Look at those squinty eyes and almost pouty lips. This is the Hogwarts Master fresh out of the tragedy of her sister’s demise and Gridelwald’s betrayal. He’ll be eccentric, he’ll be deliciously clever, but at this point in time, he’s less likely to dumble than mean lawful business. Eh? EH?

Oh, yes, I see it. I SEE it. I DIG IT. It’s almost exactly the same, isn’t it? And before he turned completely, unapologetically and adorably bonkers in a lot of ways including his wardrobe, we know that he was one dapper dude.

           

DAAAAAYUM DUMBLEDORE.

Also, is it just me or he’s holding his wand in a very specific way? A personal tic of his, perhaps? GAWD, I am SO ready. But wait, though. Why isn’t his nose broken? Didn’t Aberforth punch him at Ariana’s funeral? OI. HIS NOSE SHOULD BE CROOKED.

The official summary of the film goes like this:

At the end of the first film, the powerful Dark wizard Gellert Grindelwald (Depp) was captured by MACUSA (Magical Congress of the United States of America), with the help of Newt Scamander (Redmayne). But, making good on his threat, Grindelwald escaped custody and has set about gathering followers, most unsuspecting of his true agenda: to raise pure-blood wizards up to rule over all non-magical beings. In an effort to thwart Grindelwald’s plans, Albus Dumbledore (Law) enlists his former student Newt Scamander, who agrees to help, unaware of the dangers that lie ahead. Lines are drawn as love and loyalty are tested, even among the truest friends and family, in an increasingly divided wizarding world.

Next up is Credence, bless him, and the clingy lady with shimmery body hose.

He does not look pleased. The girl next to him is described as a “Maledictus”, someone cursed who turns into a Fantastic Beast. It’s likely that the two of them will bond with each other over their inhuman transformation and hopefully, will be in the care of Newt the Huggable.

And then, Leta Lestrange:

You may be gorgeous beyond belief, honey, but please, remove yourself from my sight. No one hurts Newt.

She seems to be holding on to someone. Wait a sec, is that…

MAMA MIA!

I have a number of reactions to that piece of yummy cake:

Jokes aside, that’s one intriguing piece of a bigger puzzle: Newt’s past and his relationship with his brother. Are the two not close? What kind of a war-hero is Theseus? Is Leta as manipulative as she looks? And more importantly, how would their reappearance affect Newt?

B.A.Es

Sorry about the crop, Queenie. You’re in there too. Promise.

Last, but definitely not the least:

One word:

Another thing among a plethora of others that is incredibly exciting to think about. Dumbledore and Grindelwald’s relationship. Now that we have two, post-conflict, transformed friends-turned-enemies, the final face-off will be glorious. Which, I’m willing to bet my non-existent fortune in Gringotts, won’t be happening in this sequel. There are four more sequels panned including this one, right? So logic dictates that the epic showdown will take place in the final film. Which means that the two of them might not even meet in this one.

Sure, there seems to have been a drastic change in Grindelwald but that’s what happens when you go to the dark side, yeah? Voldemort lost his fucking nose and had slits for eyes which were red, for God’s sake. I think a bit of a hair-dye and spiky hairstyle isn’t cause for much commotion.

If you have reasons beyond this for not liking Johnny Depp’s portrayal, keep them to yourself. No one can do what he’s capable of doing in this role. I love him.

The title sure is a bit dramatic and quite at odds with the Fantastic Beasts part. I feel like this is where I want to be satisfied the most. They’re continuing what is close to all of our hearts, which we thought had been done and dusted and had made peace with. For it to be taken out again, it better be worth it. The first one was spectacular and I have reason not to worry too much, it’s David Yates, yo. He’s done it before, he can do it again.

What was your reaction to this bomb? LEMME KNOW.

Cheers

 

 

I Know What I Meme, I Meme What I Want – Part I

I’ve taken a sudden interest in making memes. It’s very recent, like, a week old, perhaps? I open Instagram and Ahad Raza Mir Yaqeen Ka Safar memes are ALL I see. It’s natural that it should rub off on me as well. I’m human, after all. Mostly.

I hope I’ll get better at this but for now, this is the best I could do. ENJOY!

These are the two old ones I made about a week ago. The following ones are new:

The Angry Asfi:

This happens to me ALL the time and it boils my blood, to be honest. Burger bachey and people who live abroad are exempted, obviously. But when some native speaker like me with less-than-modest English language skills tries to sound all “parha likha” and HiFi by uttering that fateful line, I just want to bash their heads in.

The Harassed Asfi:

(I will do a “50 shades of Asfi” real soon. Pinky Promise. And yes, the word “harassed” can have different meanings)

I had my brother in mind when I made this. Ehehehe. Ma won’t stop asking him to get his hair cut and he won’t stop doing the opposite, which is to plain REFUSE. He doesn’t have a bun, God forbid, but the hair is in dire need of a good cutting. This is also relatable to me, if I consider myself asked to do something I don’t want to.

The Chill AF but Pissed AF Noori:

Ah, rotis. You know how, if you’re a desi girl, you’re existence means virtually nothing if you can’t produce a perfectly round and cooked roti? That. And it’s so frustrating, you want to refuse in defiance, say that you JUST WON’T learn but dude, it’s what we eat three times a day… All adults, independent or otherwise, should know how to cook. I just wish they’d approach it like that and not, “how” they approach it. Which is bullshit.

The Hysterical Hayaat:

My life summed up. This happens to me ALL the time. In the name of the merciful Lord, if I was the rebellious sort I aspire to be, not the mild, wanna-be rebellious sort I am, I would have bolted out of this prison-disguised-as-heaven AGES ago. Sigh, the restrictions of desi life. And the funny thing is, I do it on purpose. I aggravate her deliberately and she takes the bait and then I suffer the typical tongue-lashing dear to all brown mothers. It’s a simple case of zidd against zidd and neither of us seem to want to back out. And no, I’m not a teenager.

The Merry Hayaat:

Also me.

And that is it for now.

Cheers!